Dental Appt

I had my 4 month check-up at the dentist yesterday, and I was dreading it. More than usual. I knew why but didn't want to really say it out loud. I had my last appointment the first week in October, and my dentist got on to me about flossing. I remember I came home and immediately emailed my dad and said "Who flosses EVERY day?" And he wrote back minutes later saying in his short straight-to the point prose. "I do. And I use my water pick everyday as well. Daddy." It was one of those random exchanges. Similar to the ones my sisters and I had with my him all growing up. He never thought anything coming out of our mouths were strange or not worth giving a response.

On my bedside table, I have a couple of photos. I look at them every night before I go to bed. One is a photo of my dad when he was about 15. He was goofing off and sitting in a high chair. He is nothing but skinny arms and legs. Behind that photo you can just barely see another photo. It is a Polaroid that I have carried with me to all the different places I have lived. My dad took it when I was about 7, and it is all 4 of his girls cramming our little heads together so we can make it into the shot. (He loved this photo so much that I made him a copy years ago and he made it into a Christmas ornament.) The other is a photo of him on the beach. Smiling the most perfect smile. And the other is a little photo of Solon I gave my dad our last Christmas together. It sat on his bedside table and now it sits on mine. It gives me such a weird feeling. I smile and am moving along, and it might sometimes seem like I am okay. But just a millimeter under the surface is a pain that is hard to explain. I just want to hear his voice.

Just as I am writing this Jay told me a cardinal appeared in the backyard. My dad telling me to smile and be happy. So Happy Friday everyone:)